My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
