We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
