biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
