Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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