well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
