You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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