Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
im about as happy as oj after his trial
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
