You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
