we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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