So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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