billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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