You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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