HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
