It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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