I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
