Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
