I hate all girls vehemently.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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