I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
