I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
