i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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