eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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