He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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