Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
