I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
