In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
did i just pee glitter
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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