What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
