Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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