i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
