Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
