i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
