my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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