I am in a vortex of obligation.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
