Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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