So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize