she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
