I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
