Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
