god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
