I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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