Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
