well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
