goodnight i made you a song goodbye
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
