yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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