They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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