we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
