Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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