Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize