You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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