Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
