nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
