We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize