dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
