Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
