Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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