Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I accidentally had phone sex last night
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
