You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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