Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
