about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
