Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
