seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
