but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
