Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
