You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
