Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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