I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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