dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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