I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
